First date conversations are a tricky thing: we all realize how important they are but sometimes we still don’t prepare while other times we put so much emphasis on having “good” conversations we actually create problems for ourselves.
Who Are They? And Are They What I’m Looking For?
Oddly when many of us date we forget something very important: finding the type of person we’re looking for! Often, we get so caught up in wanting to be accepted by our date that we ignore if they are bringing anything to the table from our point of view. In other words, many singles approach first dates with 100% emphasis on “am I what they are looking for?” and 0% emphasis on “are they what I’m looking for?”
With that in mind, the first thing you should plan to cover in your first date conversations is discovering if the person you’ve just met is the person you’re looking for. You should have a good idea of what you want. If you’re not sure what you want: date a lot of people.
Be Willing to Talk About Yourself
Similar to small-talk, we need to be willing to open up…not just get our date to do so. You may find yourself on some dates where they don’t ask you too many questions. Some people suggest this means they are shallow and only care about themselves but I disagree. Yes, some of the time that is the case but not always. Some people get nervous, others just have fun talking and aren’t paying attention to how much back-and-forth is going on. If the questions aren’t being aimed at you be willing to bring them up yourself.
Developing A Script
When you develop a script for a date, your goal isn’t to plan every single thing you’ll talk about. Your goal should be to be prepared for when there are lulls in the conversation.
It can happen on the best of dates: a little silence. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if a little silence turns into a long silence or even several long silences, your chances could be hurt. No one wants to be uncomfortable and silences, as harmless as they truly are, can cause us to feel as if there is no chemistry.
So being prepared is a good thing but when the conversation is flowing on it’s own don’t get in the way with your plans.